Pithy sayings 2

"L'amitié est l'amour sans ailes." Lord Byron

"Friendship is love without wings."

Often we think of love as being a feeling we don't control. We fall in love, we are struck by love (as in 'lightning'), love at first sight and so on. It happens with potential partners; it happens when we first set eyes on our newborn baby; it can happen for places as well.

A deeper form of love, however, is something we choose to feel and to put into practice. And it can be, and SHOULD BE, the most wonderful feeling in the world: love has wings.

But it's also a hard road to choose because our decision to love doesn't depend on how we feel, but on how much we want the other, the object of our love, to be in a good place, and on what we really appreciate of the essence of that person. Real, deep love is less about us than about the other. But it is rewarding for us as well.

Friendship allows us to choose whom we love. We recognise our affinities, our common interests, a shared sense of values, humour, tastes .... In a normal, healthy friendship, we get back as much as we give. With love, we take the risk that the other doesn't return our love, or not at the same level.

One of the hard aspects of my life as a pastor's wife, a missionary, a foreigner is not being able to develop friendships over a longer period of time. When I'm in Australia, I'm always having to move on and to say goodbye to potential friendships with the most wonderful women I meet as I travel around.

Modern means of communication can allow me to keep in touch, but it's not the same as being together physically and sharing life experiences even in the banality of everyday life.

In France, the problem is more because of my 'status' as co-leader in the church. It's often said that leadership is a lonely position to hold. Some advice to future pastors includes the idea of not becoming too friendly with any parishioners because that can cause problems with the rest of the congregation. I find that difficult to maintain, because it's a fact of life that you feel more at ease with certain people than with others. It also goes against my idea of what church community should be: each one has their rightful place in the community and should be appreciated for whom he/she is regardless of the rôle he/she plays in the structure of the community. Australians are good at that side of things - much more egalitarian ;)

It's also true that leaders have to be careful about what they can share with friends within the same community.

The nature of our work/calling means we know we have to move on as well.

So friendship is an enormous blessing, not to be taken for granted. I'm learning to accept the friendships I have for the time I can have them, but it's not easy...

I discovered that for one of my children it has also been hard. Please pray for them as we face another move in 2015.