Authenticity

This marks my first month back in France after a very intense time in Australia. I've spent most of this month feeling unfocussed and like I was living in another dimension. Why? Partly because I was totally myself again in Australia. I couldn't take any of my family with me this time. I was able to do everything I wanted to do and needed to do in the 2 months I had. I was very busy, but felt I was 'home' in my own environment. I really miss the Aussie mentality and realize how tired I often feel, not just because of family and ministry responsibilities, but because, even after 22 years in France, I do not completely belong. I still struggle with the way things are done here, with certain attitudes, the hardness of human relationships even within the church family. I know it's not exclusive to France, but I do find living here hard work sometimes.

An interesting experience helped throw some light on myself. I had a personality profile done for mission purposes and the psychologist suggested I fill out a form in English and the same in French. It revealed differing personality traits! I'm not schizophrenic, but I change according to which country or culture I'm fitting in ! Some of the tensions I feel and the lower energy levels come from having to adapt my 'real Aussie' personality into the French Christian leadership context. I'm sometimes in conflict with myself.

Which leads me to the idea of authenticity.

I've always believed we should develop authenticity - show our real selves - particularly in Christian circles. It's not right to wear a mask. Christian community is about accepting and being accepted just as we are. Seeing others as Jesus sees them. It can be hard, because we don't like to be vulnerable and we certainly are afraid of being criticized or judged. We are also very sensitive to being disappointed by others or disappointing others by our real selves. I find it very rewarding to see genuine relationships develop in our groups. Recognizing our fragility is very good for us since it helps us turn completely to God. In God we trust (where have I seen that ???) Of course we will be disappointed by others, of course we will let others down, but we are only human and Jesus loves us completely anyway; to the extreme of giving up his own life for us.

My friend Susie has also written about authenticity : see her blog article. It's another angle on the subject with which I totally agree.

http://7mouths2feed.blogspot.com/2012/10/the-search-for-authenticity.html